When We Cry....

TEARS

They hovered, tremulous

Suspended only for a moment

Waiting, questioning

Heavy with hurt

They fell, translucent

And I could see your heart

Bruised and broken

Shattered even

They spoke, eloquent

Of pain, and loss, and fear

Transparent, without shame

Craving understanding

They flowed, uncontrollable

Crystal rivulets curved

Turbulent, unstopping

Intense with passion

They subsided, spent

A story told, a faucet emptied

Your anguish eased

The past closed

 

They healed, miraculously

Restoring lucid hope

Tentatively revealing

Tomorrow's promise

And then you smiled.

IT’S HARVESTIME!

A colorful display of fruits and vegetables lined the steps of the old concrete building. The annual Harvest Festival of the Bethlehem Church signaled an exciting time for me. I looked forward to doing the once-a-year march up the church aisle with my friends; all of us carrying fruits picked from our very own backyards!

Clutching an over-sized bunch of grapefruits, I solemnly marched up the steps of the building, down the aisle, and then laid the grapefruits on the altar along with pineapples, bananas, breadfruit, coconuts, and a plethora of other fruits. One at a time, we all placed our gifts on the altar until it overflowed with fruitage.

After the ceremonial march ended, the concert began. One indispensable item was the solo rendition of “Reapers Are Needed”—a song highlighting the need for Christian workers. The same lady sang it every year. She did so with great gusto and upon reaching the line, “Rouse ye, O sleepers,” she would yell so loudly that I felt somehow I was the one asleep being woken up.

Apparently I was. Years later, I became aware of the call of the Lord to the ministry. The knowledge came slowly—almost imperceptibly. At 9 years old, I made a commitment to serve the Lord and at 12 years old found myself weeping in a service after a message on missions—to the amazement of my parents. I felt inescapably destined to work for God.

Those years of hearing “Reapers Are Needed” helped shape my life. Today, serving as a minister in my local church, I still appreciate its message. And I appreciate those times in the Harvest Festival where I came to realize that I could do more than bring in a harvest of grapefruits and pomegranates—I can bring in a harvest of souls.

I Got This

(I shared this before but felt directed to post it again as someone may need it.)

Susie (not her real name), a teenager in my local youth group, came to see me one day. As she poured out her story, it became clear that she needed a lot of help, but not the kind of help that we, as a church, could offer. When she finished her story, her eyes bored into mine, desperate for some sign of hope.

"What am I going to do, Phillippa?" she asked.

I had no answer. Days after the meeting, I was still thinking; trying to come up with some kind of solution to her dilemma. Nothing. I began to worry.

While standing next to the kitchen sink one evening, I suddenly felt the urge to pray. I went over to my bedside, knelt down and waited, sensing that the Lord was about to speak. I received the impression He wanted me to talk to Him about what was on my mind, so I expressed my concern about Susie.

Quietly and unmistakably, He said, "(her real name) is not your problem, she's Mine."

Completely taken off guard, I responded, "Oh."

Relief replaced surprise as I understood that He was saying, "I got this." (Actually, He's "got" everything and everyone that we bring to him in prayer, but sometimes we need a reminder.)

I watched Suzie's life turn around. I congratulated her as she happily graduated from college some years later. And I praised the amazing God who cares so deeply for all His children and knows us all by name.

Do not worry about those in your life that belong to the LORD. He is working all things out for their good. Hang in there, change is coming!

Blessings!




   

Who's Tired?

I was having one of those days. You know, those days when you realize that much of your attempts at doing things were unsuccessful and you have a long list of "Maybe I should've done this" or "Why didn't I do that?"  A sense of weariness with my life settled over me as I contemplated my failures. I felt that I could not be worth much to God. In frustration, I muttered, "Lord, aren't you tired of me?"

Initially, I had no idea where this was going, but His word came to me like a gentle whisper, "Hast thou not known? hast thou not heard, that the everlasting God, the LORD, the Creator of the ends of the earth, fainteth not, neither is weary? there is no searching of his understanding."

What a great God we serve! He would never get weary of me. Instead, He would give me strength when I grew weary of myself.  "He giveth power to the faint; and to them that have no might he increaseth strength....they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint." (Isaiah 40:29-31)

We can be encouraged today. At times when the vicissitudes of life drain our emotional, spiritual, or physical energy, remember this: God is not tired of us. In fact, he is not tired at all. He has an abundance of strength, grace, and power. And as the song reminds us, "Out of his infinite riches in Jesus, he giveth, and giveth, and giveth again."

 

HOW MUCH TRUST?

“By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac: and he that had received the promises offered up his only begotten son.”  (Hebrews 11:17)

 My husband and I set off for a much-needed two-day getaway in Toronto. The sun smiled warmly on the lush greenery as we passed scene after scene of beautiful landscape along the highway.  I felt a deep appreciation for God’s awesome creation.

But even the splendor of the day didn’t distract me from the underlying anxiety gnawing inside me.  We had left our children with a trusted family friend but the questions kept coming anyway.  Were the children OK?  Would they miss us too much?  Would our absence have any long-term negative effects?  The questions and ideas got from unreasonable to ridiculous, but I couldn’t seem to shake them no matter how I tried.   

I knew that the babysitter would adequately care for them.  The neighborhood was relatively safe.  Besides, we had gathered and prayed before leaving.  I tried to turn my thoughts off, but my mind kept right on going.

The Holy Spirit gently interrupted my mental monologue and brought me a picture of faithful Abraham and how he surrendered his son, Isaac, to God. So complete was the surrender that Abraham was willing to offer Isaac as a sacrifice, believing that God would raise him from the dead.  He trusted God that much.  I knew then what I should do. I released my children to His care.

The worry evaporated like a mist. I settled back in my seat and enjoyed the rest of my trip to Toronto, secure in the knowledge that my children belong to God. My husband and I could enjoy a weekend with no undue concerns.

Surrendering our children to God can be a huge challenge. But it really gets down to how much we trust God. Abraham trusted God completely and received a blessing as a result. We, too, can be free of anxiety as we release our children to the care of our Father. We can trust that much.

We are truly free when we totally surrender to God

© 2011 Phillippa Brown

Flood-resistant Love

(This devotional was published by Mustard Seed Ministries in November 2010)

“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it…”

(Song of Solomon 8:7)

I sat on the floor couched in despair. I had failed so many times as a Christian that I wondered if I had done irreparable damage to my relationship with God. I was confronted with my humanness and did not like what I saw. Grief welled up inside me as I began to talk to God.

     “How can You love me?” I whispered in wonderment—not really expecting an answer. Awareness of my own shortcomings had undermined my confidence and I felt like a complete failure. 

To my amazement, He answered. It was not an audible voice but a quiet and unmistakable response in my heart. “Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it: if a man would give all the substance of his house for love it would utterly be contemned.”

The guilt vanished like a vapor. My heart responded to the grace He offered me. I realized I was uniquely loved and nothing would change that. Praise and gratitude flowed from my soul.

How amazing is God’s love. It does not peak or diminish based on our actions. It remains constant and unchanging. We sometimes find it difficult to come to Him when we sin or make mistakes; yet in His love He wants to give us grace so we can serve Him better. Understanding His everlasting and redemptive love gives us the power to live victoriously—even after we have done wrong.

Blessings!

Breaking Free

      They say it can happen to anyone. But I didn’t know that then.  I only knew that I felt afraid, terrified was more like it.  The thought of being anywhere other than in my house made me frantic with fear.

      I had just given birth to my first child and was home now for four weeks.  The pregnancy and delivery were free of complications.  I breast-fed and kept a reasonable schedule of activity and rest.  In fact, I stayed indoors most of the time, venturing outside only to use the clothesline.

            This custom thrived in Jamaica – maybe not so much now as then.  After childbirth, the mother stays indoors with the baby for at least six weeks, going out only if it’s absolutely necessary.  I never questioned the wisdom of the idea, I simply followed the tradition. 

      I had no name for what was happening to me.  It just came out of nowhere.  One day I was fine; the next day I realized I shook with fright at the thought of being outdoors.

      No one knew about my plight—not even my husband.  Like someone with paralysis, I seemed unable to reach out for help.   

      The fear increased with each day.  The thought of going to the store, a church service, or even the doctor’s office filled me with terror.  That terror grew more at the thought that I might encounter another human being “out there.”

      Then I realized I not only feared being outdoors—I actually feared contact with anyone who was not familiar.  I lived in constant dread of being involved in any new experiences, and avoided everything I thought might possibly lead to one.

      How can I get out of this?  My mind searched for a way out of this dilemma.

      Finally, in desperation I threw myself down on my bed one morning and said, “Lord, I’m afraid.”   A simple truth, but the words came from the depths of my soul with great intensity.

      Then the Holy Spirit gently spoke to my heart, “The Lord shall preserve thy going out and thy coming in from this time forth, and even for evermore.”   I recognized the words from Psalms 121:8.

     Instantly, the debilitating fear vanished and the peace of God came like a soothing balm.  The word of God stilled the raging of the storm in my soul.  I got up from the bed and embraced the day cheerful and confident, knowing that my life rested in the hands of my heavenly Father and I need not fear anything.

      It’s been many years now and I’m still free.  I can understand how in the beginning God changed the chaos of the earth into perfect order by the power of His word, because His word to me that day was “quick and powerful” and created the change I needed the moment I cried out to him for help.

© 2011 Phillippa Brown